4 to 5 year olds | Planting & Growing

Ages & stages

4 years to 5 years old

BEFORE YOU KNOW IT...

… the somewhat calm 3-year-old becomes a dynamo of energy, drive and more out-of-bounds behaviour.

At the same time

At the same time, their mind is a font of imaginative ideas.

The “monsters” they talk with at school or the “dragon” who helps them across the street are normal tall tales for 4- to 5-year-olds.

All of this behaviour

All of this behaviour and thinking will help your child build a secure foundation as they approach kindergarten.

Four is when

Four is when your child starts getting a ‘big picture’ view of the world.

The big world seems exciting, but it can be hard to work out where they fit.

So getting it wrong – being too big and bold, or too small and frightened – are not uncommon extremes for your 4-year-old.

Differences between

Differences between people – relationships, sex, race – these social issues become visible to your 4-year-old.

They’ll explore these through play, dressing up and asking lots of questions.

Make-believe and dress-up are important for this age.

Parenting a 4-year-old

Parenting a 4-year-old can be a wonderful, exciting experience.

Yes, your child may still be a handful at times (this is common!), but they are growing in leaps and bounds.

A 4-YEAR-OLD

A 4-year-old engages the world with endless curiosity.

Then, they may tell you a story all about it or ask a zillion questions.

This is the age of why, what, when and how?

At 4 years old

At 4 years old, your child feels “grown up.”

They typically can get dressed and undressed and go to the bathroom (though they still may not have control at night).

They are curious about their bodies and start to want some privacy.

Most kids this age

Most kids this age can identify emotions, even nuanced feelings like anxiety and joy, in themselves and others.

They comfort others who look sad and like to be helpers.

They may respond well

They may respond well to praise and clearly stated rules.

But they’re also eager to explore boundaries.

How far can they walk away from a caregiver before being chased?

How many toys can they get away with taking from a sibling?

A CHILD AT AGE 4

Four-year-olds are creative, thoughtful little people.

Get ready for the stage when imaginative play is all the rage, and you can begin to have fuller, fascinating conversations with your kid.

pretend

pretends to be something else during play (teacher, superhero, dog)

play

asks to go play with children if none are around, like “Can I play with Alex?”

comfort & avoid

comforts others who are hurt or sad, like hugging a crying friend;

avoids danger, like not jumping from tall heights at the playground;

language

says sentences with four or more words;
says some words from a song, story, or nursery rhyme;
talks about at least one thing that happened during the day, like “I played soccer.”;
answers simple questions like “What is a coat for?” or “What is a crayon for?”;
names a few colours of items;
tells what comes next in a well-known story;

gross motor

they’ll soon be expert climbers, jumpers, and runners

they can catch a large ball most of the time

fine motor

Your 4-year-old’s fine motor skills are becoming more refined by the day.

draws a person with three or more body parts;
serves themselves food or pours water, with adult supervision;
unbuttons some buttons;
holds a crayon or pencil between fingers and thumb (not a fist).

Social milestones

Wants to please friends
Wants to be like her friends
More likely to agree to rules
Dresses and undresses without much help
Engages in well-developed imaginative play
Brushes teeth
Shows more independence and may even visit a next-door neighbour by self

Social & emotional checklist

At 4, your child will likely comfort others who are hurt or sad.
They are learning to avoid danger and will take fewer risks.
They like to be helpful.
They are able to change their behaviour based on where they are (such as a library or a playground)

Social and emotional

Four year olds are moving out into the world. They can usually play happily with other children, and enjoy lots of physical games as well as stories.

Your child is learning to understand

Your child is learning to understand about other people’s feelings and needs. They can feel empathy for others, and can share toys and take turns, at least some of the time.

They may sometimes feel jealous of your relationships with other people, such as your partner.

may have favourite games

They may have favourite games like ‘mummies and daddies’ and ‘superman’. These games allow them to try out various adult roles.

Sometimes these roles may conflict with your values, but if you allow them to play without making them feel that it’s wrong, they will probably ‘let go’ of that role once they’ve worked through what it means.

will begin to organise games and make friends

Your 4-year-old will begin to organise games and make friends.

They can be quite bossy with other children, and may still have a few tantrums when they don’t get what they want.

their behaviour

They can usually separate from you without getting upset, although not if there have been upsetting separations in the past.

They’re developing a sense of humour, and will laugh at funny situations.

Some of their behaviour may be ‘over the top’ – noisy, boasting, exuberant.

toileting

Your 4 or 5-year-old can go to the toilet by themselves, use toilet paper properly and flush the toilet.

The world can seem scary to a 4-year-old

They need you to provide a daily routine that gives them a safe base to explore from.

For example, they need to know what happens at breakfast, what they’ll be doing during the day, and what special things happen at bedtime.

They also need to know that you will set safe limits to their behaviour.

Even though they may seem confident, it is very scary for young children to feel that their parents cannot manage them.

Emotional

In this age range, children get better at handling their emotions.

Improving communication skills enable them to talk about their needs and wants, so

you’ll notice fewer temper tantrums.

Self-esteem

Self-esteem helps children have the confidence and courage to try new things, feel liked and accepted and feel proud of themselves.

It also helps them cope with feelings of sadness or worry.

You can help your child build self-esteem by encouraging them to learn and try new things, praising their efforts more than results and by avoiding harsh criticism.

forming friendships

Along with developing self-esteem, your child will be forming friendships and may enjoy playing in small groups where they will practice how to play with other children and what’s acceptable when playing with their friends.

It’s very common for children to develop imaginary friends, which are a result of healthy imaginations.

You may recognise a name or description of an imaginary friend from a book, television or toy, or the friend may be completely imagined.

Your child will stop playing with their imaginary friend when they are ready.

more opinions

Four-year-olds are starting to have more opinions and beliefs, and they are starting to be more in touch with the world around them.

Although 4-year-olds may seem much more mature than they were just a few months ago, they may still be moody and prone to meltdowns.

It is still normal at this age for children to have some difficulty regulating their emotions, and temper tantrums are still relatively common.

routines

Kids this age thrives on routine, and that setting a predictable daily structure can help them stay grounded.

Socially

Socially, 4-year-olds are learning a lot about making friends.

They will start to be able to form real bonds with their peers, and are getting better at cooperating and being mindful of the emotions of others.

These are skills that will carry over well as they begin school.

Kids this age will likely have a few imaginary friends, too.

Their imaginations are growing exponentially at this age, and the much of their play is extremely creative.

They should be doing a lot of pretend play at this age, working off their imaginations.

Language milestones

Recalls part of a story
Uses four-word sentences
Uses words that are 100% understandable by strangers
Uses future tense
Tells longer stories
Says name and address

Language skills

Your 4-year-old will probably love to have conversations and talk in detail about all sorts of things.

They need to find out about all aspects of life, and talking is an important way of understanding how the world works.

Your 4-year-old:

speaks clearly on the whole, but may still not use some sounds correctly – says ‘th’ for ‘s’, or ‘w’ for ‘r’
asks ‘Why’, ‘When’ and ‘How’ questions, and asks what words mean
tells long stories which may be partly true and partly made up
is interested in questions, and can argue and give their own ideas about things
talks about what might happen or what they’d like to have happen
knows a few nursery rhymes which they can say, repeat or sing.

Language and Cognitive Checklist

Your child is starting to be able to grasp how time works.
They should know how to say their first and last name.
Most 4-year-olds can memorize and recite some words or phrases from children’s songs and poems.
Children this age can make predictions about what will happen next in a story or book.
Your child should speak in simple sentences of about five words and know about 1000 to 2000 words

Language & cognitive

Your pre-schooler is turning into quite the chatterbox at this age.

By 4 years old, your child should be able to speak in complete sentences, answer simple questions, and have back-and-forth conversations.

Almost all of what they say should be intelligible to a stranger.

Additionally, your child should be able to follow multi-step commands with three or more steps, for example, after being given instructions, your 4-year-old should be able to pick up a toy from the floor, put it away in a toy basket, and then come back to sit on your lap to read a book.

Four-year-olds can understand most of what is going on in the world.

cognitive skills are developing

Your child’s cognitive skills are developing quickly at this age too.

Kids at this age should be able to count, identify colours, shapes, numbers, and letters, as well as use pronouns appropriately.

They should also be able to draw a person with at least three body parts.

At 4 years old

At 4 years old, children are inquisitive and love to digest new information.

You’ll be amazed at how much your child can comprehend.

If you tell or read them a story, they should be able to recall large parts of it.

Not only that

Not only that, but 4-year-olds are great at making up their own stories.

Their imaginations are really taking off at this age.

They are learning the difference between ‘real’ and ‘pretend’ and they often are developing vivid imaginations (think fairy tales and monsters).

will ask lots of questions

Your 4-year-old will ask lots of questions about the world and why it is the way it is.

Sometimes their questions can be embarrassing or difficult to answer, such as questions about death or sex.

They may be interested in where babies come from and may experiment by looking at their own and other children’s bodies.

Try to answer their questions as simply and honestly as you can without telling them more than they asked.

can probably

Your 4-year-old can probably:

understand 2 or 3 simple things to do at once – ‘Get a cup of water, take it to Daddy and then put the cup back on the table’
understand what ‘3’ means – ‘There are 3 motor bikes’
sort objects by size, colour or shape and type (animal, car)
compare 2 things to work out which is heavier
understand taller and smaller, but not be able to arrange things in order of smallest to biggest
may be able to copy/write their name
draw a person with a head, body, legs and arms
tell the difference between morning and afternoon
say numbers up to 20 and is beginning to count a few objects by touching them
hold a pencil well
cut on a line
name and match 4 colours
recognise some words they see a lot – ‘STOP’ on stop sign.

By the time they are 5

By the time they are 5, your child can:

tell you their name, age and address (if you’ve taught them)
copy a square, a cross and a triangle.

Thinking & language milestones:

By the time your child is 4, you can expect to have conversations with them that involve several hundred new words in sentences of 6 or more words.

Pre-schoolers usually:

understand most of the instructions you give about familiar things and places, for example, ‘please put your cup on the table’
can be understood by other people
recognise and name objects and parts of objects in books and in real life
understand concepts such as comparing things (‘big’ or ‘small’, ‘thin’ or ‘thick’), and locations (‘in’, ‘under’)
recite familiar rhymes and sing familiar songs
ask a lot of questions about the world and how it works — ‘why’ and ‘where’ and ‘when’
begin identifying and copying letters, numbers and colours
start to understand time
know and tell others their name and age

Your child’s language is developing very quickly at this time.

Cognitive milestones:

Can count 10 or more objects
Correctly names at least four colours
Better understands the concept of time
Knows about things used every day in the home (money, food, appliances)

Physical milestones

Your child should be able to skip, climb, and jump.
They may be able to do a somersault and to stand on one foot for 10 or more seconds.
Most 4-year-olds are able to get dressed and undressed without help and are learning how to brush their teeth.
Your child is learning how to pour without too much spilling and can mash food.
They are likely toilet trained, but may still wet the bed.

Gross motor milestones

Stands on one foot for 10 seconds or longer
Climbs stairs alternating feet without support
Hops, somersaults
Swings, climbs
May be able to hop on one foot

Fine motor (hand & finger) milestones

Copies triangle and other geometric patterns
Draws a person with at least three body parts
Prints some letters
Dresses and undresses without assistance
Unbuttons and buttons medium-size buttons
Uses fork and spoon
Usually cares for own toilet needs

Physical skills

Your 4-year-old is developing confidence in their physical ability but, as with their emotions, they can be too bold or too timid, and still needs to be supervised during active play.

Your child can

Your child can:

walk easily up and down steps, one foot to a step
throw, catch, bounce and kick a ball, and use a bat
climb ladders and trees
stand on tiptoe, walk and run on tiptoe, and run quite fast
jump over small objects
walk along a line for a short distance
ride their tricycle very well and may try a bicycle with trainer wheels
stand on one foot for a few seconds, and probably hop
thread beads to make a necklace
swing themselves on a swing
dress themselves if the fastenings are not too difficult

Your 4-year-old...

Your 4-year-old isn’t just getting taller, but their fine and gross motor skills are getting more mature as well.

In terms of physical growth, they are twice as tall as they were when they were born!

Your child is becoming stronger and more agile each day.

should be able to

By now, you should be able to play basic outside games with your child, like catch and kickball. Art projects and board games will be favourite activities.

Children at this age can run and jump well, can often balance on one foot and walk backward

By the age of 4

By the age of 4, your child will probably be toilet trained.

They will be able to wash their hands and face, and with some help from you, clean their teeth.

They’ll be dressing themselves, although shoelaces and buttons may be difficult.

Pre-schoolers are curious about their bodies and those of family members which can form part of playing ‘mums and dads’ or ‘doctors’.

Gross motor skills

Many kids this age are starting to ride bikes or scooters.

If you take your child out to play ball, they should be able to throw the ball overhead and kick a ball around with you.

By now they will be improving their ball skills, riding a tricycle, using pencils and scissors and drawing.

They will be learning to balance on one foot and hop.

Fine motor skills

You’ll be wowed by your child’s emerging fine motor skills as well.

Kids at this age can use scissors, manage a writing utensil mostly independently, and use eating utensils.

Your child will also be able to play cards, child-friendly board games, and may start to be able to put together a puzzle.

Your 4-year-old may become a budding artist as well: they might be able to draw simple pictures and start to be able to form letters

Activities

The main thing your child needs from playing with you is to have fun.

It’s important not to turn play into ‘lessons’.

Try and provide an interesting environment and enough time to play, and follow your child’s lead.

Talk to your child about what they do and where they’ve been. What did they do and see? Listen with interest when they talk to you and join in conversations.
Read books to your child. Talk about what’s happening in the pictures – let them act out the story.
Tell stories about when you were a child.
Your 4 to 5-year-old is learning to sort things into groups, so play sorting games – sort spare buttons into shapes and colours, play animal lotto.
Give them the chance to learn to ride a tricycle or a bicycle with trainer wheels.
Make time for outdoor physical activity such as walks in the park, ball games or visiting playgrounds.
Give them the materials for painting and drawing.
Praise and encourage them when they’ve considered or played well with others, and help them to think about how others feel.

many things you can do

There are many things you can do to help your child blossom and grow.

Engaging in conversation with them whenever possible, reading to them, and supporting their interests are simple steps you can take.

This is the age when your child will have a million questions.

Answering their questions, and supplementing their queries with educational materials (books, appropriate media, activities) is a great idea, too.

You will want to create a structure for your child at this age and enforce positive discipline techniques.

Four-year-olds are able to understand rules and social customs, but remember that they are still learning, so it’s normal if they need guidance along the way.

It can be helpful to have routines around your day-to-day life so that your child knows what to expect.

This helps your child regulate their emotions as well.

Helping your child's development

Your pre-schooler will enjoy running, tumbling and rolling, all of which use up energy and help them to deal with their emotions while continuing to develop their growing bodies.

Try to give your child lots of chances to participate in physical activity.

Encourage your child to play in sand or mud and get ‘messy’, to dance to some music, to climb and explore in nature and navigate playground equipment.

Your pre-schooler may also enjoy:

drawing and painting with pencils, crayons, paints and paper
dress-up and pretend games
reading books with you, singing and reciting rhymes, and dancing
cooking with you, which gives you the chance to introduce numbers and concepts such as weight and size
building things with blocks

With a 4-year-old child ...

Provide opportunities and supplies for creativity and inventiveness.
When doing housework or yard work, give your child a job to do on their own, such as emptying a wastebasket or watering a plant.
Have simple props for make-believe play, such as store or school.
Encourage independence by letting your child fix their own snack, or choose their own clothes.
Take your child to the store, a restaurant, and the library. Explore new places and talk about how people are alike and how they are different.
Make puppets out of popsicle sticks by gluing on paper faces. Put on a show about two children who meet and become friends.

At least once per day, be sure to hug, cuddle, and praise your child for new skills, independence, creativity, expressing emotion, and sharing.

Developmental watch

Because each child develops in her own particular manner, it’s impossible to predict exactly when or how your pre-schooler will perfect a given skill.

The developmental milestones listed here will give you a general idea of the changes you can expect as your child gets older. Don’t be alarmed if their development takes a slightly different course.

Talk with your doctor, however, if your child displays any of the following signs of possible developmental delay for this age range.

Shows extremely fearful or timid behaviour
Shows extremely aggressive behaviour
Is easily distracted and unable to concentrate on any single activity for more than five minutes
Shows little interest in playing with other children
Refuses to respond to people in general, or responds only superficially
Rarely uses fantasy or imitation in play
Seems unhappy or sad much of the time
Doesn’t engage in a variety of activities
Avoids or seems aloof with other children and adults
Doesn’t express a wide range of emotions
Has trouble eating, sleeping, or using the toilet
Can’t differentiate between fantasy and reality
Seems unusually passive
Cannot understand two-part commands using prepositions (“Put the cup on the table,” for example, or “Get the ball under the couch.”)
Can’t correctly give their first and last name
Doesn’t use plurals or past tense properly when speaking
Doesn’t talk about their daily activities and experiences
Cannot build a tower of six to eight blocks
Seems uncomfortable holding a crayon
Has trouble taking off their clothing
Cannot wash and dry their hands